Leadership today requires more than technical competence or strategic acumen. It requires the emotional capacity to absorb complexity, stay grounded under pressure, and remain clear-thinking when stakes rise. As organisations place greater emphasis on wellbeing, coaching, and people development, emotional intelligence has become central to how leaders operate.
But emotional intelligence doesn't start with understanding others. It begins with understanding yourself. Specifically, the emotions and triggers that subtly shape your behaviour, decisions, and relationships long before you speak or act.
Emotions as information
Emotions (particularly within a work context) can often be characterised as irrational or disruptive, but they are anything but. They are data. Signals that help us navigate uncertainty, assess risk, interpret interpersonal dynamics, and recognise when something matters. For example, curiosity can signal opportunity, while fear or anxiety can indicate potential threat or risk.
These emotional cues are valuable, but only when leaders can read them. When leaders move too quickly, operate from autopilot, or suppress uncomfortable emotions, they lose access to this internal data and risk misjudging situations or reacting based on outdated assumptions. Emotional literacy (the ability to identify and name emotions in the moment) helps leaders slow down enough to interpret these signals accurately.
That self-awareness also expands a leader's ability to empathise. When leaders recognise the emotional context behind their own behaviour, they are far more able to understand the emotional context behind others'.
Why triggers matter
Once leaders develop greater emotional awareness, they can begin noticing their triggers - the emotional reactions that emerge in moments of stress, pressure, or perceived threat. These reactions often occur fast and intensely, driven by the amygdala's instinctive response to protect us.
Every leader has triggers. What differs is whether they know what they are (and what they tend to do when triggered).
Consider the example of punctuality. If lateness triggers you, the physical and emotional reaction might be immediate: tightness, urgency, frustration, or self-criticism. Without recognising this as a trigger, you may unconsciously assume others feel the same.
So when a team member is late, you might avoid addressing it, fearing the emotional reaction you've projected onto them. As a result, the breakdown goes unspoken and continues to repeat.
Triggers aren't signs of immaturity or weakness. They're insights that point to unmet expectations, old patterns, values under pressure, or unspoken fears. Leaders who learn to work with those insights are far less likely to repeat unhelpful patterns or allow avoidable issues to go unaddressed.
Can emotional intelligence be developed?
Yes, emotional intelligence is highly trainable. It sits in the limbic system, which develops through practice, repetition, and awareness.
James Gross, a Stanford professor specialising in emotional regulation, outlines four practical steps leaders can use to work with their triggers:
Shift the meaning you've assigned. Assume positive intent. Remove threat where possible.
Recognise that your emotional reaction is valid and understandable, even if it's not helpful.
Ask: Is this worth the emotional weight I'm giving it? What actually requires my attention here?
Step outside your default lens. Explore how others might see the same moment and why.
These steps take practice. Emotional regulation doesn’t mean removing emotion. Instead, you should think of it as being about widening the gap between reaction and response. Leaders who can pause, reflect, and choose their behaviour deliberately expand their bandwidth significantly. This is particularly true in complex environments where emotional reactivity can easily escalate.
The leadership impact
Triggers don't disappear, but leaders can transform their relationship with them. When leaders become more emotionally aware, three things shift:
Ultimately, emotional intelligence is not a soft skill, it's a capacity skill. It creates the internal space required to lead through complexity rather than react from it.
If you’re a leader who wants to build more emotional range, reduce reactivity, and expand your capacity to lead through complexity, get in touch.